June 10, 2011

What About Me?!

Between us, my mom and I have over 38 years of experience as Sunday Women. As you've probably guessed: we don’t have it all figured out. Hopefully, we’ve learned a few things along the way to share with you. Sometimes, though, we are still raw works in progress. We want to be transparent with you about our rough edges and equally transparent about the grace of God in the hearts of two sinners like us.

We will be posting occasionally about our ongoing struggles. May you see our failures (You are not alone.) and God’s grace (He is our ever-present help.)

My husband, Rob, has been gone for five days at the general assembly in Virginia Beach. I have been here: feeding our children, mopping out the leaky refrigerator, and playing church switchboard operator.

At these times, the Evil One (aided and abetted by my own sinful heart) prowls around the edges of my days. He is the ancient enemy of God’s people, and his tricks are not new. When my husband returns from doing ministry---whether four days in another state or four hours at a meeting---I always face the same attack.

When Rob walks back in the door tonight, my first thought will be, “what about me?” I always think: now that he is home, I should get my turn for fun, or sleep, or mocha lattes. I think: why doesn’t he take the kids, plan a date night, bring me flowers? I mentally list all the things I’ve done for him in his absence and tally the bill I believe he ought to pay. I struggle.

If that’s my sin, then this is the part of the post where I’m supposed to describe how I killed this particular sin. Killed, past tense, of course. Sadly, I can’t do that, but I offer here two lifelines of grace that help (when I remember to grab them):
  • First, I remind myself that my husband was gone because he was laboring. His meetings may have been under sunny skies, but he was still working. This helps my team perspective—both of us are completing different tasks for the same goal.
  • Second, I look to Christ. Who gave up more with less sense of entitlement than Christ Himself? “Though He was rich yet for your sake became poor” (2 Corinthians 8:9)—meditation on my Savior is strength for the fight.
Maybe you fight a “what about me?” attitude, too. Maybe we can fight it together. 

What's your lifeline?


  1. It helps me to shut out the "voices" of the culture around me that say "You deserve the best.," "It's all about you.," "Because you are worth it." and "Grab what you can." Outside the church, I don't hear anything about sacrifice or putting others first. We need to fight against the background noise that compels us to turn from God's ways.

  2. let's fight together :) I agree with you, Patsy. let's press on to renew our minds with God's word.

  3. This is a problem not unique to those in ministry. I too felt sorry for myself left at home,dealing with the inevitable broken appliance, car problem or sick children while my husband traveled. The Lord had to remind me that my situation was temporary. It gave me a new appreciation for single parents. Maybe we could minister to some of these who don't have the support of a spouse by helping share their burdens.

  4. My lifeline is remembering that, though I am far from the picture perfect pastor's wife (actually seminary professor/assoc. pastor's wife), as I free my husband up to feel freedom to travel and minister locally this is my calling and act of service to Christ. My doings are minimal, Alan's are great and my being able to manage the home so he can feel free to pursue his calling is the best gift I can give the Lord and his church.

  5. I actually struggled with this so much as a working mom with a husband as a student. I always wondered when it would be my turn to watch the children grow and spend time with them teaching them. It was always very hard to work and come home and never get a break.Many wise women have encouraged me over the years by sharing that this is all a season of life that will pass one day, so enjoy every second. It was sometimes hard to hear, but I needed to hear it.

  6. Megan, thanks for having the courage to talk about something that most of us feel but are afraid to bring out in the open.


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